His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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