Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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