you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i came on her dog
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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