people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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