I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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