umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
