Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
