If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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