It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
