So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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