You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
