Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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