so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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