I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
