it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
