I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
