he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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