can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
