Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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