just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
