It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
