I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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