'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
