Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
