Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
