I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
