So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Everything about him screamed your future.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
