no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
