Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
