I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
