I am full of burrito and curiosity
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
