Cold hands, warm shart.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
