I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
