did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
