I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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