dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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