i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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