Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
