I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Even my vagina gasped.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
