There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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