I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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