don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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