Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
