we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
