the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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