This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
