i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
