I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
