all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Couch. On fire.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
