Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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