I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
