I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
