You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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