you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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