one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
