OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
