We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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